When my first daughter was born I had the profound sense of looking into dressing room mirrors. Looking forward and backward into infinity. Here she was a girl that had grown within me and I within my Mother. A girl, who might one day look into her own little baby girl's face and observe the same awe.
As she has grown the mirror doesn't seem to be the same. I don't get awe and infinity anymore, I only get this moment. This moment with all it's nuance, energy, joy and/or grief. This moment which may involve another entangled battle or tender hug.
The other night my husband went to lay beside her before falling asleep. She is aglow with tenderness and devotion when she has one of us all to herself. When he got up to leave in spite of her wanting him to stay longer, she turned away and said, "Go away, who wants to look at you anyway!"
Everything I give her I get back. She has all my lines and she uses them on me too. It is totally exasperating and yet, strangely so, I admire her gumption. After all if I'm yelling at her, who am to say lower your voice. If I am acting annoyed, and in some way disrespectful, who am I to demand respect.
How shocking it is to me now that my first impression of her precious newborn face was that of a mirror! Somewhere inside I knew this little girl was going to alter my perceptions and cause me to expect more of myself. I don't always like what I see, but I'm working on changing the reflection.
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So true...our lives are filled with constant reflections, some which we may not like when we look at them. We must acknowledge these moments. We are human, not flawless beings. This is how we learn and grow.
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