Emotional Landscaping

We meet ourselves in the moment when we stop and observe the breath. Sometimes I'd just like to go back to that first breath, that breath that just happened to me. On the other side of that first expansion, that first breath, there was release and all at once I was breathed. How effortless and embracing to receive breath and give breath.

One of the gifts of practicing yoga is the development of an inner witness which observes the breath, the body and the senses. As you move through the practice of postures, breathing and meditation that witness is recognized as the core of your being, your essence. When you bring your yoga into your life it becomes the ground you stand on.

While creating a heart focused closing meditation for class my breath led me to an insight. For the meditation I used the Law of Giving and Receiving (as outlined in Deepak Chopra's book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga) as inspiration. This Law seems to me to embody the heart's expression. So I began the meditation by witnessing the receiving and giving of breath. I then expanded this observation to the whole inner body and then directed the flow back to the heart.

Upon practicing this at home I noticed many nuances. One in particular puzzled me. It was easy for me to focus on the gift of receiving breath, but what was I giving when I breathed out. I felt a sense of discomfort that I was giving anything. What could I possibly have to give? On a biochemical level I understood that I was, in fact giving off something. Yet what irked me was this subtle sense that what I was giving was not worthwhile.

So, what to do with such a sense? Sitting in stillness I just curiously allowed it to be there. Here I was at rest in my emotional landscape and there was no where else to go. Meditation has a way of turning you inside out.

When I was given life, I received breath. Nothing was asked of me, it was just given. With my last exhale I will give it back.