I almost hit a deer today.

I almost hit a deer today. The moment is frozen in my mind. I had been shopping with the kids... a harrowing experience. Little bodies and minds darting all over the place while I try to find a pair of shoes for a Christmas concert.
When we finally stepped out of the store into the cold night I breathed and felt relief. The kids ran ahead and I stopped for a moment to be present. I've been trying to do that more. To find the inner stillness and move forward from that.
After getting into the car I continued to focus on my breath and presence. As I drove down a well traveled road, and came upon a wooded area, I saw this buck ever so clearly. Yet it almost seemed ghostly. I knew I was on a collision course with this deer. I gasped and started to slow down. Within I felt a concern... I'm going to kill this deer. I'm not sure what happened, but I was shocked when I realized I hadn't hit it. Its ghostly figure passed behind by about fifty feet, right in front of another car.
Immediately I had a sense of gratitude and guidance, no being was hurt. I silently thanked my Mother. Yet I also realized that my presence had shifted the outcome. Something within me over the years has shifted. Years back my stress and anxiety after shopping would have carried forward into the next moment.
I often think that my meditation and presence benefits the whole world. This is how I battle down the voice that says I don't have time to meditate. This moment, this occurrence made this thought manifest to me.
But how had I missed this deer? It must have stopped in its tracks. Is that possible? I believe somehow, someway, through my state of presence I had communicated with the deer and it stopped on the side of the road and waited. Certainly not everyone would agree.
Often as I drive I find myself rushing and I think is this really necessary? I've become aware of how this feels inside my body. My awareness doesn't instantly make the feelings go away, but it helps me to realize the impact of rushing on my body. When a car slows me down I think of it as the universe reminding me to slow down and be present. Lately I've had an inordinate amount of birds flying directly across my path. I sort of prefer them to slow drivers. Who can blame them... they are just gently moving through life. Or maybe this communication, channeled through presence, flows both ways.

Like a breath, long and peaceful, out into the universe

During a yoga class, while doing a focused breathing exercise, I thought of my Mother and her final breath. Was she afraid? Was there pain and struggling? Suddenly I felt a fullness in my heart, deep sadness and loss. The missing of her.
Then a thought occurred to me... it's like giving birth. The same release and relief only into a grander opening. The intensity, effort and pain of giving birth is shifted into joy and relief when life releases. The release is indescribable. The senses and emotions shift polarities in an instant.
With this thought my perception was altered. I felt intense joy and peace for my Mother. Perhaps death is like a breath, long and peaceful out into the Universe.
My relationship with my Mother continues. She visits me in dreams and meditation and sends signs ( hearts... in all shapes, sizes and forms... puddles,cookies, shells, rocks, clouds, holes in bread and leaves... the most perfect hearts, the most perfect love.) I feel her gentleness nudging me into an inner self kindness such as I have never known. She Mothers me still, I only need listen from within.