During a yoga class, while doing a focused breathing exercise, I thought of my Mother and her final breath. Was she afraid? Was there pain and struggling? Suddenly I felt a fullness in my heart, deep sadness and loss. The missing of her.
Then a thought occurred to me... it's like giving birth. The same release and relief only into a grander opening. The intensity, effort and pain of giving birth is shifted into joy and relief when life releases. The release is indescribable. The senses and emotions shift polarities in an instant.
With this thought my perception was altered. I felt intense joy and peace for my Mother. Perhaps death is like a breath, long and peaceful out into the Universe.
My relationship with my Mother continues. She visits me in dreams and meditation and sends signs ( hearts... in all shapes, sizes and forms... puddles,cookies, shells, rocks, clouds, holes in bread and leaves... the most perfect hearts, the most perfect love.) I feel her gentleness nudging me into an inner self kindness such as I have never known. She Mothers me still, I only need listen from within.
Then a thought occurred to me... it's like giving birth. The same release and relief only into a grander opening. The intensity, effort and pain of giving birth is shifted into joy and relief when life releases. The release is indescribable. The senses and emotions shift polarities in an instant.
With this thought my perception was altered. I felt intense joy and peace for my Mother. Perhaps death is like a breath, long and peaceful out into the Universe.
My relationship with my Mother continues. She visits me in dreams and meditation and sends signs ( hearts... in all shapes, sizes and forms... puddles,cookies, shells, rocks, clouds, holes in bread and leaves... the most perfect hearts, the most perfect love.) I feel her gentleness nudging me into an inner self kindness such as I have never known. She Mothers me still, I only need listen from within.
Welcome to blogger.
ReplyDeleteFascinating first post. I'll be very interested to see where you go with this!
I have never seen a sign that I can recall, but maybe it is because I am that person who never takes the time to look inward and take stock of myself and my needs. But I have a poem that hangs on my wall I have read for the past 13 years that helped me remember my mom still had a part of me, just as I still had a part of her. This would somehow make me feel connected but yet still sorrowful.
ReplyDeleteIn Memory of...
You never said I'm leaving,
You never said goodbye.
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God knows why.
A million times we needed you,
A million times we cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place,
That no one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.
Only recently within this past year have I realized that the poem has a flaw. The line that says:
"If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died".
This is so wrong. For it was God's love that did save her that day and gave her a whole new life filled with peace.
I recall reading this one day and feeling really low when I had that realization sent to me that after all the time that had passed I had blamed myself for somehow not loving her enough to save her, but I knew this not to be true. And even though I still have this poem hanging on my wall, I do not think of it the same way anymore. It no longer makes me grieve, but gives me peace.
I am not surprised that your mom sends you hearts using all different types of things, she was always so creative and loving in that way.
ReplyDelete