I shamelessly crumbled the other day when my wandering, ethereal child reappeared. She had been missing to me for 10 minutes, lost in a sea of faces and out of range of my panicked calls. All I could think was that no matter how far she runs or how high she climbs, she, or the tree, always eventually answers when I call.
I thought my experiences with Emmaline had made me immune to panic. The world is simply not big enough for her plans and co-ordinations. She was born to push boundaries and she'll do it to the point of exhaustion, both mine and hers. I am eternally in her way and, according to her, always saying no. There is really nothing new about that line, except that sometimes she is so convincing... I wonder if she's right. So I try very hard to hear her and expand her boundaries, give her space and trust her, yet at the same time reminding her that she's still only nine.
Her intense drive and determination is foreign to me and often, when she's not pushing my buttons, I admire her. In a heartbeat she can pull together the coolest, and most unique outfit, and strut through her day owning her creation. She's a potion mixer, machine maker, party planner and adventure tourist coordinator all rolled into one. In the land of our backyards she is always trying to run the show, but thankfully the dynamics of that kid ruled world do not always allow it. I wish I knew what they knew.
Though her strong will and leadership traits can be trying, I know they can be gifts too. So many amazing and wonderful things have been created and achieved by those who pushed boundaries and thought outside of the box. But I also know that kids need "boxes" and rules to keep them feeling safe and secure. Each child has unique needs for feeling safe and secure, so no one box can be the same. How do you build a box for such a child? I wish I knew. In spite of all I read, think and do I still sometimes feel like I stumbling in the dark. That's usually when my heart kicks in.
When Emmaline finally reappeared, walking nonchalantly towards me, it was pure grace that love followed my relief and not anger. Besides holding her and crying all I could say was, "I was so scared, I thought you were gone. Do you see the fear in me? That's how much I love you." My threats and consequences have rarely contained her, but I hope my love can.
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Oh how I know this feeling. You are so right that the grace of God showed you how to handle it. A mother's job is the hardest job in the world, always challenged by her children's need to expand their boundaries. How far we let them go depends on what we as parents feel comfortable with. Sometimes, we have to really question ourselves whether or not our response is from wanting to protect them, or just wanting to hold on. As mother's we make mistakes with our children, but all we can really do is instill the values we have, teach them about the world around them...then watch how they handle certain situations. If the maturity is not there to handle a certain situation then you must wait to let them do it. But if they have shown maturity and responsibility then you have to realize they can handle it themselves.
ReplyDeleteI think the greatest fear of all mothers is to watch their children fall and get hurt(not just physically but mentally as well) Our job is to protect them, nurture them, teach them, and love them...so how can we sit back and watch them get boo-boo's? We have to. That is part of growing up and learning their independence and responsibility.
As far as building a box for her, I would say that you need to do what is comfortable for you and at the same time talk to her and ask her what she thinks. The biggest thing is communication. Explain the boundaries and why they are there. If she doesn't like them ask her why and how she thinks things should be. Then you can go from there to reinforce your reasons, or maybe concede a little. But don't give in completely! Children are like a test from the emergency broadcasting system...you get tired of hearing it, yet you must listen for signal that something is wrong.
I am so glad that she is fine. This world of ours really doesn't make it any easier does it?
Your showing of fear from love is the best thing for her. It may not contain her in every situation, but it will be a caution light.
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